The Roger Theories
by x Rajah x
Summary: Did you ever happen to notice how many hugs Roger receives in the movie? Why do so many people hug the pretty boy frontman? Two teenage girls attempt to explain the adorably complex character of Roger. Formerly known as Longing for that Long Embrace.ROGER
1. Roger Hugs!

What is this? A so-called "strict" Star Wars author publishing something RENT-related?

In all seriousness, if someone would have told me this would happen about a month ago, I'd laugh. Actually, I didn't even know there was a RENT section here at but here it is, and after a bizarre set of circumstances, I have something to publish.

I guess I'm not as strict as I thought. I can't help it though, RENT is too amazing to ignore. This little piece may seem crazy. Actually, that's my hope.

I'm hoping this will come across not just as insane, but light-hearted. It was after all, the result of two crazy teenagers letting their minds go wild. Oh my, yes, very frightening.

By that, I mean this wasn't just me. Some credit must go to Sarah, my cousin who happened to get herself caught up in a random attempt to explain something obscure. She's almost as crazy as me. Almost.

**Read and enjoy. No flames! Flames will be thrown out the window. In garbage cans!**

**Note: The "they" we refer to here is everyone except Rog who hugs him. :P **

**A LONG EMBRACE**

**Have you ever noticed how many hugs Roger receives in the movie RENT?**

**Perhaps not. Perhaps this is something only people as crazy as me and my cousin could notice. If you didn't, next time you watch it, take note. If you did, high five! If you are totally lost right now, it's probably because you still have a little sanity. Not only were we silly enough to turn this observation into a full-length discussion, but we wrote it all down, which resulted in the publication of this interesting piece.**

**But needless to say, Roger Davis, pretty boy front man, receives a great deal of hugs from others during the course of the movie. Why, you ask? Let's explore that shall we? In the form of a list generated by two teenage girls who found it amusing.**

**The question: Why hug?**

**Because...**

Roger always looks like he needs a hug. It's that simple.

They are cold, after all, and they want to generate heat. Roger is their new heat source, though he doesn't know it. They volunteered him without permission.

He's trendy. They hope the trendy-ness will spread.

Everybody thinks he looks like a teddy bear. Natural instincts draw them to give him a hug.

They think that hugging him will help him write a song.

He mentions "a long embrace" in Another Day, so they hug him.

Just because. They want to. Come on, admit it, you would give him a nice big hug too...

They are bribing him to come outdoors more with hugs.

They are trying to show him that after actually going out, they are in good sprits. It's all part of coaxing him out.

His full name is actually Roger Davis Rabbit, and they are convinced he is, a real live rabbit. Since they don't have any carrots on them, they give him hugs instead. They also feel bad because apparently, at one point in his life, he was framed.

He smells good. Not only that, but he magically releases your favorite scent if you hug him.

They think its good luck to hug Roger.

They are convinced that hugging him continually will squeeze the sadness from him.

They think he's a human stress ball. But they have to exercise caution or his eyes could bulge completely from his head.

When Roger was a child, he swallowed a squeaker. They are still trying to find it by squeezing him.

You know how you squeeze lemons to make lemonade? Well, they are trying to make Rogerade.

Strangely, whenever they see Roger, they forget how long it's been since they last saw him, and suddenly are led to believe that it's been ages, so they hug him. (Whoa. Mark must be hugging him a lot then.)

Put simply, Roger is a REALLY good hugger.

They're trying to give him a back massage.

They think he looks scrumptious, but whenever they hug him, he's not ripe yet.

Roger once was born to be bad. That is, before everyone hugged the badness away. As a precaution, they still hug him to make sure it can't sneak back.

They think he may run away while they're gone, so they frequently remind him that they love him with hugs.

They asked Roger once what his favorite candy was and he said "Hershey's Hugs". They misunderstood, and keep on giving him bone-crushing bear hugs.

They're afraid he'll turn to the Dark Side.

They forgot it was his birthday once, and he was really sad. They are forever sorry and indebted to him, and since then, they give him lots of hugs.

THEY ALL LOVE HIM SO VERY MUCH!

They, for some reason, always think he's choking, and are trying to perform to Heimlich maneuver.

His father... (sniff, sniff)... never hugged him. Isn't that sad?

They think he's turned into a suicidal Mickey Mouse. They hug him to boost his self-esteem, and obviously Mickey was made for hugging.

When he was little, his mother made him use Pampers, but he wanted to use Huggies. His friends hug him to make up for her meanness.

Roger's EVERYBODY'S bestest best friend.

His tummy hurts and they are trying to get him to burp.

They're just happy he's there.

They think he's a rising superstar so they hug him because they want to be acknowledged in any "thank-you speeches" he delivers upon receiving awards.

Because he's soft and squishy.

He has flies on his back, they're trying to do him a favor by swatting them off. (Credit to Uncle Steve for that one)

37.) He's huggable. Duh.

**Well, I don't know what to think, unless I get some feedback. The list could continue, suggestion welcomed. That is, if you like it enough for there to be more. Do you have an idea for why he gets so many hugs?**


	2. Roger Likes!

In case you didn't read the last thing I uploaded… there is, according to our official count: TWENTY FOUR ROGER HUGS. (You have to watch closely. And put that pause button to good use.) This is very important news that we thought should be stressed again and again.

TWENTY FOUR ROGER HUGS. TWENTY FOUR ROGER HUGS. TWENTY FOUR ROGER HUGS. TWENTY FOUR ROGER HUGS. TWENTY FOUR ROGER HUGS.

Got the message? We certainly hope so. There may be a pop quiz later…

Okay, this installment is all about the things Roger likes more than anything in the whole wide world. They are the things that are beautiful to him, that touch his heart.

Welcome to the World of Roger Likes!

**ROGER LIKES…**

**1.)** Hugging! (OBVIOUSLY!) Any questions? Please refer to Chapter 1 of this fanfic. If you still have question after reading that, then honey, we can't help you.

**2.)** Cookie dough. You see, when anyone comes over to Roger and says, "Hey Roger! Let's make cookies!" … cookies to Roger are the moist sticky batter from the bowl. We actually aren't if Roger's had a real cookie. He never gets to that part. The batter bowl is always mysteriously licked clean before anyone can blink. And did we mention… what his uses as a spoon? It looks like we didn't. BARBIE DOLL… cough. Mark's Barbie doll… cough cough. Cough… you didn't hear it from us!

**3.)** Kroger. This is Roger's favorite store. His favorite hobby is to go Krogering. You know why? Huh? Do yah do yah? Well… obviously it is because Kroger has his name in it. And of course, Roger thinks Roger is like, the most prettiest name in the world ever named.

**4.)** His random chair on the roof. It inspires him…. The following is an excerpt from "Oh Chair" a song written by the one and only Roger Davis: "Oh chair… on the roof… lalalala... I love you! Oh chair… you can fold, and you have a cushion…lalalala!" We want to sit in Roger's random chair.

**5.)** Mimi. We don't really to go into that. You know the story… the whole deal with 14th street. No details necessary.

**6.)** Plaid pants. Um… they're sexy? Does he need a better reason? Not that he doesn't look hot without them… but Roger and plaid pants go together like schoowhopschoowhopdoowippitiybamboom.

**7.) **Scented candles. If you are going to have candles all over your house… we think, why not make them scented? What have you got to lose? Nothing. His favorite scent is warm vanilla sugar… don't ask the reason. (accusing stare) Did YOU JUST ASK THE REASON? Fine… it makes him want to eat the candle. Mark's actually had to restrain him a couple times. We can just see it: "No…NO! Roger… don't eat that… no that… that's a candle! BAD ROGER! BAD! NO!"

**8.)** Teddy bears. Well he is one! I mean, he can't very well hate himself, now can he? Unless he's emo. Wait… is he? Question… PLEASE ANSWER. Moving on… Roger also had a teddy bear as a child named Mister McFumms. And Mister McFumms, through a series of unfortunate events, had a tragic accident with a garbage disposal. And a steamroller…. oh, and a stampede of muddy pigs. Not to mention the meat slicer. Oops, we mentioned it. Well, now you know. Roger actually originally wrote a song about dear Mister McFumms but they wouldn't put it in the movie or musical… because it "didn't relate to anything." (pats Roger's shoulder) I relates to us, Roger. We understand. Plus, some people are just discriminatory toward teddy bears. It's a sad sad world we live in, peeps.

**9.) **Dish soap. Roger has a fascination with dish soap because when you squeeze the bottle it makes a whistley noise. And sometimes… if you get really lucky………….. BUBBLES!

**10.**) Fire. Come on! He throws it out the window, lights things randomly and has candles all around… do we need to tell you how to watch the movie??? You take the disc out of the case; turn your DVD player on… open the disc slot… stick it in. Then, close the disc slot and… (Whispers conspiratorially) PRESS PLAY. Continue to watch screen as movie plays for its duration. Any questions?

**11.**) April… THE MONTH! Roger's birthday's in April. Not that he doesn't like his ex-girlfriend, but as we all know… dead people make Roger sad. Unless it's the three little pigs. He really doesn't like that story… still has nightmares about it, the poor dear. It scares the buhjeepers out of him… don't worry, it scares us too, Roger.

**12.) **Green… THE COLOR! Is there any other kind of green? Well, Roger does have green eyes… and a green shirt, and……………………………………………………. …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. (Enough dots!) (No more dots!) (Two authors squabble about dots!) ……………………………………………. and some other third green object. Fill in the blank. Whoops, we forgot a blank. Oh well.

**13.) **Canada. His cousin is from Canada. His cousin has a frog, too. A GREEN frog. Yeah… doesn't get much cooler than that.

**14.) **Apricots. Because they're magical. Or should we say… abracadabracotts?

**15.) **Captain Crunch. Not only does Collins seem to bring it to him and Mark a lot… but a little known fact about Roger is that his second life goal… besides writing that one great song: is to be CRUNCHITIZED. Collins caught him screaming at a random ship on the water… "CRUNCHITIZE ME, CAP'N!"

**16.) **BBQ chicken. Because then he can go to Buffalo Wild Wings and read their witty little wet napkin wrappers.

**17.) **His favoritest animal is the hippo. He wants one for Christmas. No, not a crocodile OR a rhinoceros… he only likes hippopotamususes.

**18.) **Fuzzy socks… his feet are naturally cold-blooded.

**19.) **Annoying the hell out of Mark. Let's face it, that would be pretty fun. ("I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you!" "Roger would you STOP doing that?!!!")

**20.) **His hair. Because a rockstar without nice hair is like a rockstar without hair at all.

**21.) **His guitar… which is named Lucinda. He's had it since eighth grade. He cried buckets (literally, buckets were falling out of his eyes!) when he sold it for that piece of junk car. And his new guitar that he buys after selling the car is named Lucinda II.

**22.) **He used enjoy discreetly shining Benny's head when he was sleeping… so it would look extra hurt-your-eyes shiny, but since Benny betrayed him, things have changed. Now he enjoys dressing as an old man and following Benny around with a large flock of pigeons, hoping they will poop on him. And you know that bum Benny yells at to get off the Range Rover? That's Roger… who magically teleports himself from the fire escape to Benny's car. Oh yeah, and a matter of minutes later, notice that he jumps BACK onto Benny's car. Vindictive, much?

**23.) **Slutty clothes… not on him, of course! Take note of April and Mimi's fashion sense… yeah, slutty. Especially Mimi. And yet, he loves them anyway.

**24.) **Singing greeting cards. Come on… they sing! And he never gets any in the mail. (We need to get his address and send him one: a congratulations one for getting out of the house! Yay for not being a HERMIT!)

**25.) **Going along with the random chair, he feeds his pigeons up there on the roof. They all have names: Andrew, April, Steve McQueen, Christine, Paul, Riff, Elphaba, Kiki, Dupree, Leo Bloom, Roxie Hart, and last but not least… Captain Jack Pigeon.

**26.) **Land Before Time. It reminds him of his life. It's like opening up a scrapbook for him… it is a window into his very soul.

**27.) **His favorite class in high school was Humanities. Besides band of course. It still embarrasses him, but hey… whatever you do DON'T TELL COLLINS.

**28.) **He likes going into his car with wet hair… so the wind dries it… and it gets so fluffy fluff. Like marshmallows. Blond marshmallows. Yum.

**29.) **TREES. Because even if tress don't hug back, he likes the environment. Notice all the scribbles in his notepad… when he's writing Your Eyes. He couldn't turn the page and start over… that'd be killing another tree.

**30.) **Shiny things. Like a squirrel. Notice the silver chain he has attached to all of his outfits. We're convinced that he attaches it to his pajama pants as well. And if Roger sleeps in the nude…Oh god, we won't go there.

-----

**You know what else Roger likes? REVIEWS…**

**Signing off until next time, **

**Arie and her cuz**


	3. Announcement! DADADADA!

Okay, so this isn't a chapter, really.

We have several things to say to you, though!

First and foremost:

WE GOT ONE-ARMED HUGS FROM ADAM PASCAL!

It's true. We can't believe it either.

The second thing we thought we'd say: This fic is now COMPLETE! Sorry if we had you under the impression that there'd be more…

But THIS FIC IS DONE! Hooray! And thanks for the reviews!

Anyway… be on the lookout for its upcoming companion piece! EXCITEMENT.


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